Transitions

Well, our life is getting flipped around again. We will be leaving in just over a month to take our stuff to Knoxville, be back for Christmas, then we'll be living in Knoxville for...many years. Crazy times are ahead and I am both excited and feeling uprooted.

We have moved 5 times since we've married (6 if you count moving from a temp apartment in Boulder to the real one) and we are both really ready to be settled in somewhere. Finding a place to stay in Knoxville that allows German Shepherd has been a huge challenge. Most places were too far away from his work, had rent too high, only allowed dogs under 50 lbs, or didn't allow "aggressive" breeds. We finally found a place and are really happy about it overall.

The other challenge has been finding a selection of churches to visit. We have really fallen in love with our current church (www.tccraleigh.com) and we are not really looking forward to having to find another one. However, we believe that there is a family for us there and we are excited about the chance to get to know new people, have new experiences. I was not enjoying the online search. I had a lot of trouble finding any places that we could really consider.

We eventually came to a list of about 3. One we really like, one we are OK with, and one as a back-up to retry. We need to visit to see how real life blends with the theology and things we saw online. I am actually beginning to be excited about that part, at the same time being saddened by the thought of missing the people here. I feel like we always leave people as we begin to develop real friendships.

Right now I'm also going through a music thing. Deleting lots of old music and finding new stuff which is really good for me. Musically creative, lyrically deep. Very, very hard to find. I got discouraged for a while, but its been good to find stuff that really fits that. A good searching.

Otherwise, I am working through a few things I haven't addressed in awhile. With my job now over, I am wanting to spend a lot of time on some things I have let sit on the side. Some hobbies I have neglected, personal disciplines I have not kept up, and heart issues that need to be looked into. I hope to give all of these things attention during my time here in Raleigh, and once we move. Look out Knoxville, my mind is full of ideas.

I feel odd.

The past few months or so I've felt a bit like I was sitting by and watching a lot of things float around me. I was somewhat overwhelmed in seeing things that need to change and I became quite sorrowful at times.

Its been difficult for me to remember to walk in the Spirit. It seems like the kind of thing that I would keep in the forefront of my mind, but I got more caught up in what wasn't right, rather than why. I listened to man instead of Christ. I was searching for worth and affirmation when it had already been given to me, in abundance. I'm still trying to put it all together, but my heart aches for truth.

I am thankful for the difficulty. The past few years have been marked with a lot of trials, things I had never faced before, and I truly see how Christ was teaching me to not depend on myself, and to trust completely in Him. I had no strength to continue, I had no wisdom to answer questions, and I had no vision of what is to come. But He does.

So, I guess the question might be, "what now?".. And its a great one. Now, I take it one day at a time. I learn to say no to my feelings and to obey Christ. My emotions deceive me, Christ never has. I dont feel like loving others more than myself, but Christ has commanded me to. I dont feel like being accountable, but Christ has commanded me to be. I have to learn to say no to these feelings that lie to me, and to obey Christ, in faith that those feelings will change. That I will love others, even those that are difficult to love, more than myself. That I will invite others to inspect my walk with Christ, and do it joyfully.

It will take a lifetime, and the lessons will change, but I am thankful that it means He will always be with me, and changing me. Less of Shannon, more of Christ.